


The Onion Betrayal

by ermayzing



Series: The Shrek Chronicles [8]
Category: Shrek Series
Genre: Angst, Apples, Gen, Murder, Onions, Violence, albus is concerned about shrek's weight, overreactions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 09:32:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5370359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermayzing/pseuds/ermayzing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Albus gets concerned about Shrek's ever-increasing weight, he comes up with a secret plan in the hopes that Shrek will lose weight.</p><p>Needless to say, things do not go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Onion Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> written on May 7, 2015.

 

It was a normal day in the Dumbledore-Shrek household. The swamp was calm and peaceful, and Shrek was relaxing in the sun while Dumbledore did some paperwork.

“What do you plan on doing today, Shrek?” Albus asked, walking outside.

“Nothing, Albus. Maybe I’ll have some onions and record another mixtape. I’m not sure.”

“That sounds great,” Albus nodded, sitting down beside Shrek.

Standing up, Shrek announced, “I’m going to get an onion.”

Once Shrek was in the house, Albus crossed his fingers and hoped Shrek wouldn’t notice what he had done. Really, it was no harm done, but Albus was concerned of Shrek’s health. His green skin was getting rather flabby lately, and he needed to lose some weight.

Dumbledore shot 3 feet in the air as a mighty ogre roar echoed throughout the swamp. Immediately, Shrek broke down the door and stomped outside.

“What’s wrong, Shrek?!”

There was no time to think before Albus found himself being spun in the air violently, before being hurled into a nearby tree. An agonizing scream pierced through the air as Dumbledore could feel each of his bones break. Opening his swollen-shut eyes, Dumbledore noticed a faint hint of… tears? Shrek was crying!

“S-Shrek, w-why?”

“I’ll tell you why, you bearded homeless looking man!” Shrek yelled in his thick ogre Scottish accent. He continued, “I just happened to go inside to get an onion, and as I bite into it, what do I find?! I taste an apple, Albus! What made you think it was okay for you to wrap an apple in onion skins and give it to me? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?! I’ve been eating onions for the past 927,877 years now!” Shrek raged on.

Albus felt tears stream down his cheeks as he was once again body slammed like a WWE wrestler into the hard, crusty swamp ground. Shrek jumped up and fell down on Albus, crushing him under his fat ogre weight.

“THIS IS WHY I DID IT, SHREK! YOU’RE TOO FAT!”

As soon as those words left Albus’ mouth, he wished they hadn’t. Shrek stood back, some sign of hurt in his eyes, and cried out. It broke Dumbledore’s heart. Literally.

Albus was dead, and Shrek was crying.

“You had it coming, Albus,” Shrek whispered, throwing the body into his Punishment Barrel.

It’s ogre.

 

 


End file.
